Solomon Did What???

Today on the Daily Bible Podcast, we are discussing Solomon’s weird dedication of God’s temple that he just built out of pure gold. First of all, he needs to move the ark there, I don’t need to tell you what’s actually in the ark…we all know that’s God’s secret stash of adult toys. Anyways, in order to move the ark, Solomon needs the blood of an innumerable amount of innocent animals. Don’t ask why that’s just what it requires to move the ark to God’s temple. 

God Does What At His Own Dedication??

Next, Solomon trumpets in God’s toys which excites god so much that he farts and fills the entire temple with noxious gas. Solomon pushes through God’s horrible gaseous mistake and dedicates the temple…twice. During his suck session, Solomon makes demands of God, like to listen to them and not do the famine stuff. God then passes a fiery bowl movement to which Solomon decides to sacrifice a lot of animals.

The moral of today’s story is God is a kinky fuck that loves to smell his own farts while shitting all over the lovely meal you just cooked for him.