Jehovah Only Wants Clean Ones

Hi y’all! Welcome to KC’s Corner! Today we are going to talk about masturbation.  Yes, you heard me…masturbation. Honestly, this isn’t really what I had in mind for my first episode, but shit happens and here we are.

So recently, the JWs released the full-length videos for their anti-masturbation/how to remain clean for Jehovah campaign.  These videos discuss how to keep clean before Jehovah and not let sin contaminate you.  So how do you remain clean before Jehovah and keep yourself on guard, or make a constant effort to follow Jehovah’s biblical standards in order to please him?

JW Bros

The first video is for JW brothers and talks about more than just masturbation, like how not to dress or act like a homo (cause apparently Jehovah detests the gays), the evils of pornography, and the difference between personal interest and flirting…which is cruel and dangerous unless you are interested in marrying that person.

But today we are going to talk about the masturbation portion.  So the video defines masturbation as the stroking or rubbing of the genital organs commonly resulting in an orgasm.  But you don’t have to use your hands…if your pants are tight and sexually stimulate you, you’ve done fucked up.

Also, you can masturbate with a blanket or pillow held tightly between your legs…but wet dreams are fine because it isn’t deliberate.  However, if you have a wet dream, you need to evaluate your thoughts, because they may be unclean and lead to unclean behavior.

According to the video, masturbation defiles your spirit with selfishness, weakens self-control, and makes you think that that sex doesn’t have to be related to love.  It also fills people with guilt. And apparently, you are supposed to be disgusted by it and really learn to hate what is bad.  Jehovah simply does not consent to share your heart or body with…well…you.

JW Sisters

The second video is meant for JW sisters. While there are some similar themes, this one focuses more on being unfit in the eyes of Jehovah and how to prevent losing your cleanliness.  Modest dress and grooming are key for girls and women because if we don’t give thought to what we wear, we can be harmful to men by sexually exciting them, and leading them away from Jehovah.

It’s OUR fault that men have unclean thoughts because they are more affected by the desires of the eyes. And women have the obligation not to dress provocatively and not to tempt men to keep looking at them. Seriously, fuck this guy.

Now on to self-abuse (aka masturbation). Apparently, the way to be pleasing to Jehovah is by being obedient…which means no double clicking your mouse, ladies.

The Science

Look, scientifically speaking, masturbation is a completely normal part of human behavior…it is often the first step in learning and developing one’s sexuality. On a basic level, masturbation releases dopamine and endorphins. Endorphins make you happy, and happy people just don’t kill their husbands.

For women, it can reduce cramps. For men, frequent orgasms can decrease the risk of prostate cancer. And it can help everyone sleep better. It’s perfectly healthy and safe…well if you don’t get into some freaky shit and use things that can damage your bits.