Fired after Ordination
What’s up Heathens! I hope you guys had a safe and happy new year. Today we are talking about God killing Aaron’s sons after their ordination. If anything, god loves firing people in the most gruesome of ways. Leading up to that we have a couple days of repetitive stuff but we find out how much gold, silver, and bronze they used to bedazzle god’s temple.
So we decided to skim over a couple days because it’s just repetitive stuff that they have already covered. It’s just that now they are actually doing it and Moses has to inspect and give his approval. We do find out that it took tons of silver, gold, and bronze to bedazzle god’s holy place. It makes no sense that an eternal being would have such finite requirements such as “bedazzle my shit Moses, daddy likes it sparkly and shit.” In any case, in those two days, we finish exodus with the completed construction of the local bar… tabernacle.
We are starting Leviticus. Leviticus 8 is the only part of any story actually in it. The ordination of Aaron’s sons is just your regular jew thing until those two guys get drunk and use the wrong fire to light God’s something or another and so in true Trump fashion he fires them. Unlike Trump, he literally fires them. He sets them on fire. God shoves fireballs up their ass. Yahweh kills them with fire is what I’m saying. Isn’t that just pedantic though? One fire is just as good as another. It’s not like they used a grease fire rather than a wood fire.
Yahweh Is Picky
Then, Moses gets a stick up his ass and decides to outlaw all drinking for the priests and people that go to the temple. I guess that leaves him to give a drunken rant at the pub… tabernacle… about all the shit you have to do in order to please God because Yahweh is a picky motherfucker. Then some other fuck ups sacrificed some sin offering and burnt offerings but didn’t eat the sin offering. You know how God loves to watch you eat the sins of your fellow Jew. Moses was convinced to look the other direction though because they asked if God would have been pleased if they ate it that day or the next. I still don’t know how that makes sense.
